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I love missing people, and anticipating seeing them again, and hugging them because they’re here and you adore them and it’s been so long since they’ve been around that they need to be close to you to make up for all the nearby that they would have been were they nearby.

i’m so fucking sick of having no control.
over anything.
i hate that one moment everything seems okay and i feel like it’s fine and the next minute everything is spiraling out of control and it keeps getting worse and worse. and i would kill for any of them help me but they don’t know how and i don’t know how to let them.

Went out last night.

With Lucy, David, Rachel.

(PS. Best kidlings evar.)

Got trashed off my tits, ogled David’s brother FOREVER. /touched his shoulder, hnngggggg. Note to self; please stop being awkward around David’s siblings.

May have… kissed? Flirted with, hit on, someone I should not have.

(“I’m awkward around others when trying to get close to you..” DEAD, I WAS DEAD THE MINUTE HE SAID THAT HOMG)

I don’t remember entirely.

Got home about 4am. Slept in accidentally. Woke up an hour later than I should have.

Got to work 20 minutes late.

Can barely see straight.

Most important task is today.

Also last day of work

Fuck I love Lucy and David and Rachel.

They are the best. <3 

I keep finding myself going through old things.
Old photos, old pieces of writing, diaries.

And it’s taking me back to feeling sick every day, and hating people and wanting things.
And it’s mixing with how I feel now and everything just looks like a mess.
I don’t want these memories, anymore. 

On this account alone.
I have maybe one or two other random accounts which were for other things.
Out of the seven here though, there’s only 3 I use.
… I should probably delete the others, huh.

I miss knowing constantly that I have someone literally a phone call or a text away who’ll talk to me no matter what.
Bad night. 

THIS TSHIRT SERIOUSLY STILL SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE I KNOW ASNDFJASBDGKASDF

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

Just making me sad and shit, what the fuck!

Sitting on the floor at Owen’s house with Chook, Dave, Owen and Liz, listening to ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele, and just- just being there.
It was like everyone in the room was feeling the exact same way. 
I can’t remember ever feeling so in tune with everyone at the same time. 

being able to talk for hours and never getting sick of finding out everything about each other.

i miss going to chooks house after spending a whole day with him and dod and jack, armed with a bottle of passion pop.

i miss sitting around on couches talking about everything and anything, both under the influence and not.

i miss wrestling and having my phone wrestled off me for trying to text and call whoever we were in love with that week. 

i miss dancing, and running around, and laughing, and snuggling.

i miss coming down off the high, when we all ended up in other rooms, talking quietly through the darkness as honestly as we could.

i miss forgetting when i fell asleep, but knowing for sure that it was somewhere between happy and warm and comfortable.

i miss waking up in the morning, a disgusting taste in my mouth from the alcohol and wrapped up in someones warm, lovely arms.

cheap alcohol and cheap laughs and the best company i’ve ever had.

motivation.

(things i miss) 

teasing, of both the cute and sexy variety.

(things i miss)